Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
