dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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