I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
