Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
