what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
