Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
