Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
