I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
