Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
