On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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