Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
