I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
