i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
