1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
