So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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