umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
