Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
