So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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