just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
