Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
