Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Shame is for Republicans.
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