Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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