Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
