She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
