I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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