The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
