I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
porn star boner night. come get it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
