I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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