I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
