I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
