Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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