she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
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Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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