i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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