she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
