Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
