i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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