i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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