I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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