i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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