My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
