he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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