i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
