she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
