I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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