Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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