K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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