i already hear my dad disowning me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
