I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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