hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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