If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
