You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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