i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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