he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
