well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my poor anus
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
