So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
