# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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