You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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