I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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