Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
