Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
