is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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