he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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