watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's never too late to be topless.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
