I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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