that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
