A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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