you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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